“Let’s do it! Let’s make it happen!”

Originally this post was meant to be longer to make up for my absence but its been a bumpy spot in the road lately, as they say… Don’t worry i don’t know who actually says that either, but i hope this is good enough until i get the urge to write again.

I did it. I started putting the gears in motion for something pretty big this coming summer. Something that is exactly what I’ve been hoping to do this year. I’m planning a party. I’m going to ask. I’m going to flesh out a loose plan, get some input, and send out the invites. I’m going to get people together this year to create if its the only notable thing I do in the next  three hundred and fifty three days. Saturday morning I got the brilliant idea.

I’m going to throw a party.
A party?
But you hate parties.
I do
So why would you do this to yourself?

He had a point. I wasn’t good at partying. In fact, I was a mess at most parties. But if I didn’t drink I could be one hell of a host and that’s what I was banking on. I already had a slew of ideas, plans, fun things kicking around in my noggin… And I knew also that I would have a lot of favors to ask. It wasn’t going to be easy and I was already scared of what kind of needy person this would make me out to look like. What if it went over people’s heads? What if they didn’t understand the sense of community I was trying to instill? What if it flopped? I was already anxious.

First thing first, I had to find a place to throw this shindig. I thought about the size of my backyard and cringed. It wouldn’t work, not in the way I would want it to. I have a decent yard but people would be tucked away in corners with their pieces and I didn’t like the thought of anyone being hidden. This was hopefully an event for everyone to be seen, heard and appreciated.

Do you think Kelly would allow me to throw a party in her backyard?
Kelly like Cody’s mom?
Yeah, Kelly like Cody’s mom.
I don’t know.
I’ll ask.

I spent twenty four hours deciding if it was worth a shot. I grew anxious again. What if she thought it was a strange concept or childish? What if she thought I was rude for asking? What if? What if? What fucking if? I could figure out how much it would cost to rent a park for the day… That thought was short and fleeting, I am not made of money. No amount of saving would help me in six months when there are other things to take care of.

I asked.

I feel a little rude, I’m excellent at cleaning up, please please please.
I think it would be a lot of fun! we have plenty of time to sit and plan

The tightness in my chest dissipated and my muscles untied themselves of the horrible knots they had twisted into. Kelly trusted me and she trusted my idea and! She wanted to help plan. I went to sleep smiling that night, my face the following morning honestly ached. I had to laugh.

Will you come and rap?
I know its still early but tell me you’re down to come play and hang out!
You helped me so much when I was getting back into drawing, tell me you’re down
If you think you’ll be home, will you come paint?
I don’t know what you do but you liked my status, let me pitch my idea to you!
I know you write, please come read with me so I don’t pee myself in front of lots of people!
I know your schedule is busy what with tattooing and all, but will you come and paint even though I’ve only met you twice?
Hey I know that you paint because sometimes I see you mention that you’re going to in statuses…. Am I a creep?
Will you ask your husband and son to come play music?
I miss you will you come jam on your guitar with some other people?
Hey so I’m throwing a party and you should come! Because. I said so. And you make things my friends would be into. Okay.
You should bring your guitar and get really really really drunk so you’ll actually play, alright?

And finally, my favorite yet-
Cody’s mom said I could totally do the party at her house! Time to start brainstorming. I need your help. Are you in?

To every single one I heard a resounding, beautiful chorus of yes. And if I didn’t hear a yes I heard northing at all which is far less discomforting than a solid blockade of fuck no. I felt amazing. I was excited for everyone already willing to be involved. Only a few people knew the majority of my plan and those that did wanted to be a part of it as much as humanly possible. The net I spoke about expanding not too long ago? It stretched, just like I hoped it would. A couple days later it stretched again.

Hey jean, I like to write! Always have. What’s up?
Hey so I know you asked me to read with you but can I also show some of my photography? And invite my sister?
I love this idea! We should do it annually.
I’m not creative, but I’d totally come and be your waitress.
I’d love to cook for you, can I also bring some of my artwork?
So I heard about this party, can I show some of my videos?
Have you talked to so-and-so, they make short films!
Do you need anything?
Do you need a stage? Microphones?
I’ve got your music gear!
Don’t worry, I’ll have all the blankets you’ll need. Freshly washed.
Can we do a drink and draw?
I have plenty of tables I can bring!
Can we bring anything?
What do you need?
How can we help?

And my favorite yet, my father-
Unless something we can’t control happens, we will be there.

Once I’ve talked to Kelly a bit more I’ll feel better about sharing my plans but this is great and I’m excited. So, so excited and I’m taking this completely serious. I’ve already started gathering things that will be necessary at work, upstairs, in a corner where no one knows I’m doing so. [Or didn’t anyway…] Because it is only January. And this party is in June.

…i love you all. thank you.

over and out.

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